Time to Sail Away With Me
Leaving the Ship That No Longer Serves You
We all have a lighthouse, an ideal that we desire for our future selves. Maybe for you, it’s freedom from food guilt or having confidence at a dinner party. Perhaps it’s you finally looking in the mirror and seeing someone who actually feels like you.
Either way, that lighthouse is always out there. But sometimes, no matter how hard you try, it feels like you’re moving in the wrong direction and sailing away from it. You’re doing all the things, but something’s off. The wind is pulling you off course, and you can feel it.
The Ship That Looked Safe, But Wasn’t
I use this metaphor today because I had an annoyingly recurring dream for years. I was on a cruise-ship in the middle of the ocean and I’d been drifting, coasting for a long time.
From the outside, everything looked fine because the seas were calm, skies were beautiful, and views were breath-taking. But inside the boat, you could see the terror in my eyes. And the more I zoomed in, the more I could see how stuck I was. Contained in a windowless room, disconnected from it all, and going deeper into the abyss.
Then the storm came, like clockwork every night. The alarms went off and the crowd rushed toward the voice on the megaphone. Employees surrounded by orange life-vests were bombarded, until I couldn’t see their blue shirts anymore. The captain yelled “stay calm”, but something in me knew… I couldn’t stay.
All of the sudden the life vest on, and I felt like I was about to drown on the dock. So, I turned and ran. I searched every corner of that ship until I found it! One lifeboat, hidden beneath a heavy black tarp, and no one was around to see it.
I began pulling, trying to uncover it and pull it free; but I was exhausted. My body gave out. I fell to my knees and told myself I was done. And then, I just sat down. I was defeated and I leaned into it, when the tarp lifted. The lifeboat revealed itself, and I was afraid all over again.
The Real Fear Was Unexpected
The spiraling thoughts felt so real. What if the boat didn’t hold me? What if there was hole in the base? What if I got lost? What if I flipped over halfway there? What if I didn’t make it?
All incredibly validation questions that locked me into a moment of choice. Do I stay in something I know will slowly kill me or leap toward something uncertain, but full of possibility?
And that was the turning point because I realized the scariest part of this dream wasn’t dying on the ship or even sinking. It was living a life that never gave me the chance to feel free; it was starting over.
Diet Culture Was My Sinking Ship
Unfortunately, that dream was more than a dream… It was my reality.
It was a metaphor for the choice I made to leave diet culture behind, even though it had shaped everything about how I thought, ate, moved, and lived. The fear told me I had to earn my worth.
That discomfort meant I was doing something right.
That hunger for more was good, empowering.
That control was complacency, not safety.
Deep down, I knew it. That choosing to leap into the lifeboat was choosing me. And once I woke up I leaned into it because there is to be another way and I’m resourceful enough to find it.
Make A Brave Shift
Choose one small thing this week that aligns with the life you want, not the one you’re trying to escape. Visualize your lighthouse and ask “What do you want to feel more of (peace, ease, joy, trust)?”.
This is your chance to sail toward something better. And the lifeboat is already waiting for you. Just remember, you’re not broken. You’re just on a ship that’s no longer meant for you. And if you want to talk about your one small thing this week, you can email me at info.khhllc@gmail.com.
